Will you remember me when you are old and gray? Will you remember the times we played? Every day I spent with you was one more day of new laughter, smiles and to feel brand new.… More
I want to see
clearly what I am.
If I would remember who I am,
I could let go of who I am not,
of what I am not,
letting go of self- images I made up.
Some days, I remember I am That.
Other days, I succumb to the lies that I am
held hostage to false beliefs,
knowing all along I am truth,
I am charity. I am love.
Above all I want to see differently.
I want to see God in everything.
When I unite with Him, I am whole.
Every decision I have made without Him is insane.
My happiness, hopes and wishes are not unique to Him,
but a path to unite with Him.
Above all else I want to see,
then will I be free.
Lord, I am riding a storm.
Right now, the water is deep.
I can hardly see the shore.
My feet are cemented in the thickness of the mud.
I am drowning. I am paralyzed.
I can see the angels surrounding me.
As I cry out, they tow me in.
Lord, I asked you to step back, so
I could find my way; to dig deeper into my ocean floor.
After a long harrowing journey
I rise from the water renewed.
Tears are coming down.
Hard. Heavy. Hollow.
Without a sound from her.
They gently glide. Gallop.
Cemented on her face like a layer of clothing.
Evaporating into nothing.
She sits unnoticed in a crowded café.
Alone. She sits by the window.
Forever flowing like a river,
hitting, breaking rocks along the way,
smashing against the unknown elements in the moment.
Breaking free. Floating. Flatline,
twisting and turning to align
with light from the trees.
Breaking free to feel the warmth of the sun,
drying the tears from my cheeks,
bringing light to the empty nights of my soul,
bringing life to soil which was barren.
Now, here and there, a glimpse of a union
with the flow of the river; a glimpse of a union
with my souls’ evolution,
dumping into the ocean bed.
Finally, untangling to breathe,
rising to the surface.
It begins with me.
Forgiveness is my function.
When I live my purpose, everything is That; is One.
I love with each breath I am given.
I am as God created me.
I radiate joy, peace and happiness,
as I spread my wings across the skies.
I sprinkle my light,
the message of Truth,
touching each dancing lily as she blooms.
We together are the light of the world.
We are love, the peace of God.
Even when I forget my function,
when I fail to live my purpose,
it begins with me.
Go ahead, sit in your pain.
Let the pain consume you from your head to your toes.
Let it flow until it consumes your entire being,
because it already has.
Your thoughts tell you to run from it all.
Just stop. Completely fall.
Let the tears continue to pour.
Let the hurt ooze throughout your veins.
Let every teardrop tell its own sad story.
These tears will set you free.
Not right now. Not today.
Maybe not for many tomorrows.
In time, your mind and broken heart,
will meet up with your soul to feel complete.
You will never move on, but you will move forward,
one agonizing second at a time. Breathe.
Just sit in your thoughts,
until there are no thoughts.
Just meet your pain body
right where you are. Right now.
Let the cleansing tears drench the floor.
Let your pain consume you from your head to your toes.
Because right now, in this moment,
this is what you are. Pain body.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Buddha
I think the journey to “finding oneself”, can be a long and difficult path for some. I know for myself, that I am continually growing, learning and discovering what makes me “Kimberly”. My journey to now has been filled with laughter, love, tears, dark nights, deep inquiry and silence. I have had temper tantrums, ran away, stayed tough and stood firm, and ultimately, surrendered.
It’s when we choose to live in the “victim mentality” that we fail ourselves. Many of us have had one of those days that we just had no more words, no more tears, and find ourselves fallen to the floor, in the fetal position, crying out to God to “save” us. We have all prayed for a miracle, right!?
For me, when the crying stopped, there was a relief. When I was exhausted and had nothing more to spill out. More than once, I felt a rush of peace take over my being, reassuring my soul, that all was going to work out just fine. And of course, it did.
When we fall, we have to get up! It doesn’t mean that we get up at that very moment. Sometimes it takes some time to surrender. Our ego is strong, our will is strong. Sometimes, we just need to take our time and stay on the floor until the answer comes. The answer does come, sometimes like the sound of a rocket coming through the room, other times, like that small still voice only your own soul can hear. But we have to be in the “right” mindset, or spirit mind, if you will, to hear the answers.
I have found that when I am going through a new challenge or a tough time, that I need to just stop, and surrender in all things, and in everything. I just stop. I surrender. And when I do surrender, I find out a little bit more about my soul’s desire. I find out a bit more about me, as I walk my path, one step at a time, one breathe at a time, one still small voice at a time and one prayer at a time. No one could walk my path for me, nor save me. I had to do it myself.
When I surrender, I hear God speak. Life is good for me now, and my life is full of blessings every day. No one could have made the steps for me, cried for me or laughed for me. I had to do it for myself. I am glad I did. I am now whole!
Here are a few poems that I have written while on my path to finding myself and saving myself. I hope you enjoy reading them. Thank you for stopping by. Namaste, Kimberly
I feel good at last.
I remember who I am.
Up from my tear-filled drenched soul
I craved to see the rays from the sun.
Oh, I how I prayed to feel my skin dry again.
I thought my Self had withered a will to die
but up sprung a small stream of hope,
which then grew to engulf my being
reminding that I was worth saving,
that I was a Child of The Most High God
and that no matter what was done to me
or what I did to sabotage my Self
was the past,
and today is a new day
a gift to live in the moment
by breathing one breath at a time,
walking my path one step at a time.
(For Reverend Farolyn Mann)
Goodbye to the sad stories
of dark painted backdrops
in swirling colors of black , blue and red
drenched in tears of blank uncertainty
draping darkness throughout the canvas of my soul
framing a cold view of the world,
of an angry unloving God.
Hello to the countless unlived happy stories
waiting to unfold
in swirling bright colors of yellow, pink and white
multi-hued in smiles of abundance
painting joy throughout the canvas of my soul
creating a world view of unity
and a rebirth of a kind loving God.
All along the twists and turns
to find me,
to find my God,
to find the one I had lost,
I found You.
I found Me.
I believed the thought
that I was lost
that You were gone.
My path led me to reawaken
Truth, that I always knew.
The God I always knew.
Truth that You and I are one.
Truth that we have always been.
In my silence, in my search,
I found the answers.
I was not lost.
I found You.
I found Me.
We are One.
(For Reverend Farolyn Mann)
In Unity, we believe that all things work together for our highest good.”. “We pray to align ourselves with God and to allow ourselves to be inwardly guided to that good. Through affirmative prayer, we help co-create the good that is possible in our lives.” Lynne Brown, vice president of Unity’s 24/7 prayer ministry called Silent Unity.
Have you failed at trying to be something that you aren’t? Do you think you have failed because of something that you didn’t get? We pray for things that we think we want. We pray for things to change, whether it’s a new job, a relationship, new home, new opportunity, vacation, and the list goes on and on. We pray for things to improve with our current position, our relationships, family issues, the world issues and again, the list goes on. And it’s okay to ask for anything we desire!
Have you gotten exactly what you asked for, only to regret it later? I know I have! Many times in fact! I have been “blessed” with experiences that I prayed to God that I would get. My prayer requests have been granted, the non-material as well as the material ones.
However, once I received my “blessing”, I realized it was actually a curse that I was praying so diligently and desperately to occur.
And why was I asking, praying for this prayer to be answered? I know for me, I have asked for things that I knew deep in my soul were not right for me. I have taken jobs, for example that I knew that I would not be happy at. I have begged to be reconciled in more than one relationship that I knew was not a good fit for me. I have driven across town to buy the perfect pair of shoes that later I found out were so uncomfortable that I had to donate them to Goodwill!
Recently, I had to be honest with myself about a decision that I needed to make. I knew that I would never ever be happy if I did get my prayer answered. It was in a moment of fear, of going along with the flow, and agreeing to do something that I knew in my gut was not in my “highest good”. The fear of doing something AGAIN, that I knew would make me miserable, made me come to a decision that I had to be authentic to myself.
I knew I owed it to myself to be honest, once and for all. I had to be honest and authentic to my soul. I had to tell my ego to “let go”, and to let things just fall as they may. I knew by stepping out of my fear of saying “yes” to something that I didn’t want, was probably going to be painful.
However, I pulled up my bootstraps, put on my big girl panties, and walked into the light of acceptance and authenticity for my soul. I said, “no”! I said “NO! I do not want your “green eggs and ham”, to borrow from Dr. Seuss. Once I made the decision, and let the other party know of my decision, I still felt the fear, but more importantly, and to my surprise, I felt a huge sense of freedom! I was relieved!
I could have saved myself a whole week of going back and forth in my mind about what to do, IF I had just listened to my conscious, my soul, and my heart in the first place. It is a crazy idea that many of us have bought into, that we have to do “what is logical on paper, versus what is authentic to our individual soul”.
I am now in my very early 50’s. I was making a decision with the mindset of a young, scared teenager! I also know that I was trying to be a cat, when I AM A TIGER!
I have come so far to now go backwards, to think and to live as a cat when in fact, I am a tiger! I loved being a cat, but from now on, I have to remember that I am a tiger, and to make decisions that a tiger would make. I have out grown my cat body, my cat soul body…and deep in my heart of hearts, I knew that I was born a tiger but was living as a cat!
I was living as a cat due to my old thought patterns and habits. I was caught up in doing what was right for everyone else. I didn’t want to piss off the dogs, so to speak! And when I look back at the many prayers that I begged for, I thought at the time that I was doing it for the “right” reasons. But that is not the truth. I knew it then, I know it now. I was lying to my soul.
I also know that I was granted what I asked for because I needed those experiences to grow into the woman I am today. There were no accidents, or bad lesson, or bad experiences. The road to here has not been an easy one for me. Yet, I knew that when I made this recent decision to say “no”, that I was being true to myself. I listened to my soul’s voice, I accepted my soul’s advice, and acted on my soul’s quiet reassuring decision. And, lastly, I was fearing the worse, but when I told the other party that needed to say “no”, they were totally understanding, and said “no problem”!
My thoughts created this whole “story”, of the outcome, when none of it was true at all! While writing this article, I was guided to look up the word “prayer”. I first researched a couple of online dictionaries, but those definitions were not what I was looking for. While I agree with Dictionary.com’s definition, I was looking for an affirmation prayer definition. There is a difference.
Here is the word “prayer” defined by Dictionary. com: “1. a devout petition to God or an object of worship. 2. a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession. 3. the act or practice of praying to God or an object of worship. 4. a formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying: the Lord’s Prayer. 5. prayers, a religious observance, either public or private, consisting wholly or mainly of prayer.”
What I was searching for was the “Unity and The New Thought” definition of affirmative prayer. To quote from Unity.org: “By using an affirmative prayer approach, we can visualize and plan for the future with faith that the power of God is continually blessing our lives with unlimited possibilities. Affirmative prayer leads to an awakening of our spiritual selves. In faith, we pray giving thanks in advance that the Universe is meeting our every need.” http://www.unity.org/prayer/what-affirmative-prayer
From now on, I will only pray, for what I really, really want and need! I will not ask for a prayer to be answered for something that is not the right decision for me, or to just go along with the flow. The soul always knows!!
Are you trying to be something you aren’t? Are you trying to be a cat when you are indeed a tiger? Maybe it’s time you ask your soul, what is in your best interest? I know for me personally, that God, the Universe, Spirit, “Higher Power”, whatever word I use to describe the infinite knowledge that dwells inside of me…(all of us), does give me, everything I ask for! I know that the time is now to ask for not only what my soul desires, but also for my highest good!
I will continue to pray using the “affirmative prayer approach” with authenticity! I will be the “Tiger” that I was called to become!
If you desire to learn more about how Unity prays, or need a prayer request, here is their link: http://www.unity.org/prayer/about-silent-unity
Thank you for reading! Namaste, Kimberly
I am grateful knowing that I take my next breath effortlessly…
To breathe is a sacred act. And yet, we take the simple act of breathing for granted. As I was pondering on what to write on the word, “sacred”, I was drawn into a peaceful state. I then let out a very loud and long sigh. It was then I realized that the beauty and the simple ease of breathing are in itself sacred. I have never smoked cigarettes, and I have no health issues. How grateful I am that I so carelessly and thoughtlessly breathe.
Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Many people have to fight for their next breath. Many people are on life-saving breathing machines. Oh, how they dream of the day when they can breathe air, fresh or even stale air. To smell and breathe in the beauty of a new morning or a freshly prepared meal in themselves are gifts to be treasured.
Life is sacred. We can look around the very room that we are in, reading this and see all that is sacred to us on an individual basis. Most of us would say that their relationship with The Divine is sacred. We would say that our relationship with our partners, family, and friends are sacred. We would say time spent in nature is sacred. And of course, we all love our pets!
God created all things, visible as our beloveds, as well as the invisible, such as our breathing. Today, let’s honor all the sacred things that we hold dear and love in prayer. Breathing is sacred. Deep breath! Now smile!
“For in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible. Colossians 1:16