It Is

When your actions and words

show me who you are towards me,

it is difficult for me not to be triggered

by the past abuse I suffered.

I relive it all over again. And again.

I have become so numb that I must be the one

not to hold on to grievances and must let it all go.

Your behavior is not just mean but cruel.

I can no longer continue to plead for your forgiveness.

I am not making excuses for my past behavior.

I had been neglected and hung out to dry in the hot sun

 left out in the bitter weather to freeze,

watched my mom beaten and stabbed,

and when I came home from fifth grade, I had to call 9-11

because I found her breeding from slit writs.

 I was left to starve; I needed clothing, shelter. But I survived.

I did not receive your help or your sympathy because you were too young to know.

I know I do not deserve your empathy or your forgiveness.

You were not the ones who hurt me then, but you are the one that hurts me now.

I hurt you because of them. It was not your fault.

I should have done better.

No excuses from me. I tried to hang on for years.

I am impressed that I did it for so long.

Then I fell. And the price I have paid is high.

And it is okay. I accept it. I surrender for It is the truth.

I failed you. You will most likely never read this. But I will. Over and over.

It has been exhausting. Yet I continue to try to make you love me.

Whose fault is this but my own.

When you continue to show me who you are

and what you believe, then I must leave

and save me. You call me crazy.

It is okay. I am too tired to be ashamed again.

You do not have to love me. Until we meet again…

Kimberly Molyneaux

05/25/2022

Will You

Will you remember me when you are old and gray?

Will you remember the times we played?

Every day I spent with you was one more day

of new laughter, smiles and to feel brand new.

I bathed in your curiosity and awe

at the simplest things you saw,

the first for you and the hundredth time for me.

You reminded me to feel young and free.

We listened to timeless music for me

yet it was cool and fresh for you, as

we danced in the early morning hours,

snuggled while you slept beside me.

Exhausted as I was, it was all for you.

It all seems like it was just yesterday.

Will you remember me when you are old and gray?

Will you remember the times we played?

Will you remember me telling you I loved you so?

Kimberly Molyneaux

05/24/2022

For my children and grandchildren

Guilt

Guilt is a horrible thing to own.

It will awaken you in the middle of the night

when amid slumber sleep

you dream of your misdeeds, again.

You reach out to hold the one you promised

to never let die alone.

She awakens you in your sleep

to let you know she is well and urges you to rest.

Guilt is a horrible thing to own

It will shake you at any hour of the day,

when fully engaged in the mundane

or when you finally feel painless for a fleeting moment.

You see a resemblance of the one you loved

walking across the street with umbrella in hand.

She turns at you and smiles

and for a split second you feel reunited with the one you lost.

Guilt is a horrible thing to own.

It is a warm welcome to reckon with what was lost.

It urges you to make peace with those you yearn,

to reconcile with but brush you away.

It rises to throttle your throat, to gasp for air

wanting that imminent breath to cleanse your fears.

You see it as a gift deemed for forgiveness. Redemption.

You pray for those here, now and departed,

to love you for who you are today. You love them regardless.

Kimberly Molyneaux      

05/22/2022

Renewed

Lord, I am riding a storm.

Right now, the water is deep.

I can hardly see the shore.

My feet are cemented in the thickness of the mud.

I am drowning. I am paralyzed.

I can see the angels surrounding me.

As I cry out, they tow me in.

Lord, I asked you to step back, so

I could find my way; to dig deeper into my ocean floor.

After a long harrowing journey

I rise from the water renewed.

Kimberly Molyneaux

2022

Unnoticed

Tears are coming down.

Hard. Heavy. Hollow.

Without a sound from her.
They gently glide. Gallop.

Contradictions.

Cemented on her face like a layer of clothing.

Evaporating into nothing.

She sits unnoticed in a crowded café.

Alone. She sits by the window.

Kimberly Molyneaux

2022

Recovery

Forever flowing like a river,

hitting, breaking rocks along the way,

smashing against the unknown elements in the moment.

Breaking free. Floating. Flatline,

twisting and turning to align

with light from the trees.

Breaking free to feel the warmth of the sun,

drying the tears from my cheeks,

bringing light to the empty nights of my soul,

bringing life to soil which was barren.

Now, here and there, a glimpse of a union

with the flow of the river; a glimpse of a union

with my souls’ evolution,

dumping into the ocean bed.

Finally, untangling to breathe,

rising to the surface.

Kimberly Molyneaux

05/18/2022

Lesson One

It begins with me.

Forgiveness is my function.

When I live my purpose, everything is That; is One.

I love with each breath I am given.

I am as God created me.

I radiate joy, peace and happiness,

as I spread my wings across the skies.

I sprinkle my light,

the message of Truth,

touching each dancing lily as she blooms.

We together are the light of the world.

We are love, the peace of God.

Even when I forget my function,

when I fail to live my purpose,

it begins with me.

Kimberly Molyneaux

05/18/2022

Pain Body

Go ahead, sit in your pain.

Let the pain consume you from your head to your toes.

Let it flow until it consumes your entire being,

because it already has.

Your thoughts tell you to run from it all.

Just stop. Completely fall.

Let the tears continue to pour.

Let the hurt ooze throughout your veins.

Let every teardrop tell its own sad story.

These tears will set you free.

Not right now. Not today.

Maybe not for many tomorrows.

In time, your mind and broken heart,

will meet up with your soul to feel complete.

You will never move on, but you will move forward,

one agonizing second at a time. Breathe.

Just sit in your thoughts,

until there are no thoughts.

Just meet your pain body

right where you are. Right now.

Let the cleansing tears drench the floor.

Let your pain consume you from your head to your toes.

Because right now, in this moment,

this is what you are. Pain body.

Kimberly Molyneaux

Above All

I want to see

clearly what I am.

If I would remember who I am,

I could let go of who I am not,

of what I am not,

letting go of self- images I made up.

Some days, I remember I am That.

Other days, I succumb to the lies that I am

held hostage to false beliefs,

knowing all along I am truth,

I am charity. I am love.

Above all I want to see differently.

I want to see God in everything.

When I unite with Him, I am whole.

Every decision I have made without Him is insane.

My happiness, hopes and wishes are not unique to Him,

but a path to unite with Him.

Above all else I want to see,

then will I be free.

Kimberly Molyneaux

(ACIM L:26-30).

02/25/2022