Author: Kimberly Molyneaux
Wellness & Recovery Mentor
One Prayer At A Time
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Buddha
I think the journey to “finding oneself”, can be a long and difficult path for some. I know for myself, that I am continually growing, learning and discovering what makes me “Kimberly”. My journey to now has been filled with laughter, love, tears, dark nights, deep inquiry and silence. I have had temper tantrums, ran away, stayed tough and stood firm, and ultimately, surrendered.
It’s when we choose to live in the “victim mentality” that we fail ourselves. Many of us have had one of those days that we just had no more words, no more tears, and find ourselves fallen to the floor, in the fetal position, crying out to God to “save” us. We have all prayed for a miracle, right!?
For me, when the crying stopped, there was a relief. When I was exhausted and had nothing more to spill out. More than once, I felt a rush of peace take over my being, reassuring my soul, that all was going to work out just fine. And of course, it did.
When we fall, we have to get up! It doesn’t mean that we get up at that very moment. Sometimes it takes some time to surrender. Our ego is strong, our will is strong. Sometimes, we just need to take our time and stay on the floor until the answer comes. The answer does come, sometimes like the sound of a rocket coming through the room, other times, like that small still voice only your own soul can hear. But we have to be in the “right” mindset, or spirit mind, if you will, to hear the answers.
I have found that when I am going through a new challenge or a tough time, that I need to just stop, and surrender in all things, and in everything. I just stop. I surrender. And when I do surrender, I find out a little bit more about my soul’s desire. I find out a bit more about me, as I walk my path, one step at a time, one breathe at a time, one still small voice at a time and one prayer at a time. No one could walk my path for me, nor save me. I had to do it myself.
When I surrender, I hear God speak. Life is good for me now, and my life is full of blessings every day. No one could have made the steps for me, cried for me or laughed for me. I had to do it for myself. I am glad I did. I am now whole!
Here are a few poems that I have written while on my path to finding myself and saving myself. I hope you enjoy reading them. Thank you for stopping by. Namaste, Kimberly
Remembering Self
I feel good at last.
I remember who I am.
Up from my tear-filled drenched soul
I craved to see the rays from the sun.
Oh, I how I prayed to feel my skin dry again.
I thought my Self had withered a will to die
but up sprung a small stream of hope,
which then grew to engulf my being
reminding that I was worth saving,
that I was a Child of The Most High God
and that no matter what was done to me
or what I did to sabotage my Self
was the past,
and today is a new day
a gift to live in the moment
by breathing one breath at a time,
walking my path one step at a time.
(For Reverend Farolyn Mann)
Goodbye, Hello
Goodbye to the sad stories
of dark painted backdrops
in swirling colors of black , blue and red
drenched in tears of blank uncertainty
draping darkness throughout the canvas of my soul
framing a cold view of the world,
of an angry unloving God.
Hello to the countless unlived happy stories
waiting to unfold
in swirling bright colors of yellow, pink and white
multi-hued in smiles of abundance
painting joy throughout the canvas of my soul
creating a world view of unity
and a rebirth of a kind loving God.
Truth
All along the twists and turns
to find me,
to find my God,
to find the one I had lost,
I found You.
I found Me.
I believed the thought
that I was lost
that You were gone.
My path led me to reawaken
realizing truth.
Truth, that I always knew.
The God I always knew.
Truth that You and I are one.
Truth that we have always been.
In my silence, in my search,
I found the answers.
I was not lost.
I found You.
I found Me.
We are One.
Truth.
(For Reverend Farolyn Mann)
Using Affirmative Prayer and Being Authentic To My Tiger Soul!
In Unity, we believe that all things work together for our highest good.”. “We pray to align ourselves with God and to allow ourselves to be inwardly guided to that good. Through affirmative prayer, we help co-create the good that is possible in our lives.” Lynne Brown, vice president of Unity’s 24/7 prayer ministry called Silent Unity.
Have you failed at trying to be something that you aren’t? Do you think you have failed because of something that you didn’t get? We pray for things that we think we want. We pray for things to change, whether it’s a new job, a relationship, new home, new opportunity, vacation, and the list goes on and on. We pray for things to improve with our current position, our relationships, family issues, the world issues and again, the list goes on. And it’s okay to ask for anything we desire!
Have you gotten exactly what you asked for, only to regret it later? I know I have! Many times in fact! I have been “blessed” with experiences that I prayed to God that I would get. My prayer requests have been granted, the non-material as well as the material ones.
However, once I received my “blessing”, I realized it was actually a curse that I was praying so diligently and desperately to occur.
And why was I asking, praying for this prayer to be answered? I know for me, I have asked for things that I knew deep in my soul were not right for me. I have taken jobs, for example that I knew that I would not be happy at. I have begged to be reconciled in more than one relationship that I knew was not a good fit for me. I have driven across town to buy the perfect pair of shoes that later I found out were so uncomfortable that I had to donate them to Goodwill!
Recently, I had to be honest with myself about a decision that I needed to make. I knew that I would never ever be happy if I did get my prayer answered. It was in a moment of fear, of going along with the flow, and agreeing to do something that I knew in my gut was not in my “highest good”. The fear of doing something AGAIN, that I knew would make me miserable, made me come to a decision that I had to be authentic to myself.
I knew I owed it to myself to be honest, once and for all. I had to be honest and authentic to my soul. I had to tell my ego to “let go”, and to let things just fall as they may. I knew by stepping out of my fear of saying “yes” to something that I didn’t want, was probably going to be painful.
However, I pulled up my bootstraps, put on my big girl panties, and walked into the light of acceptance and authenticity for my soul. I said, “no”! I said “NO! I do not want your “green eggs and ham”, to borrow from Dr. Seuss. Once I made the decision, and let the other party know of my decision, I still felt the fear, but more importantly, and to my surprise, I felt a huge sense of freedom! I was relieved!
I could have saved myself a whole week of going back and forth in my mind about what to do, IF I had just listened to my conscious, my soul, and my heart in the first place. It is a crazy idea that many of us have bought into, that we have to do “what is logical on paper, versus what is authentic to our individual soul”.
I am now in my very early 50’s. I was making a decision with the mindset of a young, scared teenager! I also know that I was trying to be a cat, when I AM A TIGER!
I have come so far to now go backwards, to think and to live as a cat when in fact, I am a tiger! I loved being a cat, but from now on, I have to remember that I am a tiger, and to make decisions that a tiger would make. I have out grown my cat body, my cat soul body…and deep in my heart of hearts, I knew that I was born a tiger but was living as a cat!
I was living as a cat due to my old thought patterns and habits. I was caught up in doing what was right for everyone else. I didn’t want to piss off the dogs, so to speak! And when I look back at the many prayers that I begged for, I thought at the time that I was doing it for the “right” reasons. But that is not the truth. I knew it then, I know it now. I was lying to my soul.
I also know that I was granted what I asked for because I needed those experiences to grow into the woman I am today. There were no accidents, or bad lesson, or bad experiences. The road to here has not been an easy one for me. Yet, I knew that when I made this recent decision to say “no”, that I was being true to myself. I listened to my soul’s voice, I accepted my soul’s advice, and acted on my soul’s quiet reassuring decision. And, lastly, I was fearing the worse, but when I told the other party that needed to say “no”, they were totally understanding, and said “no problem”!
My thoughts created this whole “story”, of the outcome, when none of it was true at all! While writing this article, I was guided to look up the word “prayer”. I first researched a couple of online dictionaries, but those definitions were not what I was looking for. While I agree with Dictionary.com’s definition, I was looking for an affirmation prayer definition. There is a difference.
Here is the word “prayer” defined by Dictionary. com: “1. a devout petition to God or an object of worship. 2. a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession. 3. the act or practice of praying to God or an object of worship. 4. a formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying: the Lord’s Prayer. 5. prayers, a religious observance, either public or private, consisting wholly or mainly of prayer.”
What I was searching for was the “Unity and The New Thought” definition of affirmative prayer. To quote from Unity.org: “By using an affirmative prayer approach, we can visualize and plan for the future with faith that the power of God is continually blessing our lives with unlimited possibilities. Affirmative prayer leads to an awakening of our spiritual selves. In faith, we pray giving thanks in advance that the Universe is meeting our every need.” http://www.unity.org/prayer/what-affirmative-prayer
From now on, I will only pray, for what I really, really want and need! I will not ask for a prayer to be answered for something that is not the right decision for me, or to just go along with the flow. The soul always knows!!
Are you trying to be something you aren’t? Are you trying to be a cat when you are indeed a tiger? Maybe it’s time you ask your soul, what is in your best interest? I know for me personally, that God, the Universe, Spirit, “Higher Power”, whatever word I use to describe the infinite knowledge that dwells inside of me…(all of us), does give me, everything I ask for! I know that the time is now to ask for not only what my soul desires, but also for my highest good!
I will continue to pray using the “affirmative prayer approach” with authenticity! I will be the “Tiger” that I was called to become!
If you desire to learn more about how Unity prays, or need a prayer request, here is their link: http://www.unity.org/prayer/about-silent-unity
Thank you for reading! Namaste, Kimberly
Sacred
I am grateful knowing that I take my next breath effortlessly…
To breathe is a sacred act. And yet, we take the simple act of breathing for granted. As I was pondering on what to write on the word, “sacred”, I was drawn into a peaceful state. I then let out a very loud and long sigh. It was then I realized that the beauty and the simple ease of breathing are in itself sacred. I have never smoked cigarettes, and I have no health issues. How grateful I am that I so carelessly and thoughtlessly breathe.
Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. Many people have to fight for their next breath. Many people are on life-saving breathing machines. Oh, how they dream of the day when they can breathe air, fresh or even stale air. To smell and breathe in the beauty of a new morning or a freshly prepared meal in themselves are gifts to be treasured.
Life is sacred. We can look around the very room that we are in, reading this and see all that is sacred to us on an individual basis. Most of us would say that their relationship with The Divine is sacred. We would say that our relationship with our partners, family, and friends are sacred. We would say time spent in nature is sacred. And of course, we all love our pets!
God created all things, visible as our beloveds, as well as the invisible, such as our breathing. Today, let’s honor all the sacred things that we hold dear and love in prayer. Breathing is sacred. Deep breath! Now smile!
“For in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible. Colossians 1:16
I am Not Alone
When I was thinking over the topic for today’s blog, I kept trying to go back to a time period of when things were tough for me. I wanted to write something like, “back when things were really tough for me, like about five years ago…”, however, the time frame wasn’t working for me. So I kept thinking to myself of when the “tough times were”, and it’s then that I realized that the “tough times” have been more than a few days, a few weeks or a few years and more like a few rough decades!
Which brings me to the topic on my mind today. My brother would call and check up on me to ask how things were going for me. I would always tell him that things were going “okay”. But he was smarter than that. He knew that I was single and struggling. I had one challenge after another. Between failed jobs, relationships, homelessness, health issues and a ton of other “challenges” that came up, I was always struggling. It’s been one thing after another, just to survive for the last two decades.
My brother would always say to me, ” Yes, you are alone, but you are not alone”. Depending on my mood at the time, I would do one of several things. I would agree or I would roll my eyes. Or sometimes I would say with true conviction, that things would get better soon. I didn’t want him worrying about me or my situation.
I loved my brother. He was a good man. He had a huge heart. He called to encourage me. He called to support me. He sent me money. He sent me presents. He did countless act of kindness. He truly loved me with all of his heart and soul.
I knew why he was calling and texting me. He wanted to reassure me, to let me know that in my darkest hours, that I was not alone. He wanted me to know that yes, I was “alone” as in I was single and I was trying to make it on my own in this big world.He wanted me to know that my kids, although they live out of the house now, that they loved me. He wanted me to know that although most of my family and support system lived out-of-town, that they loved me, too. But what he was telling me without being specific in words, is that I was not “alone” because God is always with me.
I have been a student of The Course of Miracles and also a student of metaphysics for the last two decades. I have attended some type of church since I was a preschooler. I have been reading The Bible since I was seven years old. I believe there is a God, a Higher Power or a Divine Intelligence greater than myself. So, for my brother to constantly feel the need to let me know that I was not “alone”, caused me to feel a sort of emotional discomfort. But I shrugged off my discomfort because I knew that his concern was genuine. I knew he wanted to help me fight off my struggles but just couldn’t do it at the moment, but that he was praying for me.
Over the last few weeks, I kept hearing those same words in my mind. I really dug deep and prayed as to the reason why I am hearing those words throughout my day. What I finally felt Spirit was wanting me to know is that even though my brother has made his transition and is no longer calling or texting me, is that I am not alone.
I sense that my brother knows that I miss him so much. I figure he knows that I do feel alone right now. I miss those calls from him. I miss those texts from him. I miss his encouragement. When I published my first book, I so wanted to share my good news with him. He was always pushing me to live my dreams. He wanted me to pursue joy, happiness and love. He didn’t want me to be alone. He wanted me to be loved and would have done anything in his power for that to happen for me.
What I realized today…because I couldn’t get those words out of my mind again…”Yes, you are alone, but you aren’t alone”…is that he is still “here” with me in Spirit. I know my brother is just a prayer away. He is just a thought away. And that he is stilling loving me and wanting the best for me. I know that I am not alone because I am one with the Father, the Divine.
Like my brother, I know my God is just a prayer away, a thought away. In fact, I know my God lives within me, as Jesus taught. The Spirit of God dwells within me. And even when my ego runs wild with negative thoughts of feeling separate from God, my Spirit knows this is untrue. I am one with the Father, and the Father is one with me. We are never alone. My brother taught me well. I may be alone, but I am never alone.
“The Father and I are one.” John 10:30
A Sense of Belonging; Full Circle
Below is a blog I wrote on February 16, 2016. Many things have since changed since then. Three years have gone by fast. However, the words and feelings remain as when I wrote it. There is nothing like a sense of belonging! Connected to another is more important to me today than it was then.
I am a peace knowing that I belong to the circle of continuous and unconditional love from The Divine. I know I belong to something greater than I will ever understand.
A Sense of Belonging
A certain song can take us back to a moment in time. “Which” time depends on you and your life experiences. I heard a song tonight but the name of the song is so irrelevant that I don’t recall it. But what I was feeling was the sense of belonging. For whatever reason, the melody thrust me back into nostalgic memory. Memories flashed before me of times spent with my second oldest son and his wife before they moved out of state. Then memories flashed before me of my oldest son moving out of state, to a different state than my second son. Before I knew it, I was in my car, driving along the road and tears poured out of my body!
Both of my sons moved within months of one another. I was crushed! I cried then and I still cry because I miss them so much! I enjoyed spending time with them and never thought for one minute that things would change. I never took spending time with them for granted. I was just so happy that they invited me into their lives. I never needed an invitation. They always welcomed me into their homes, and into their lives.
My sons gave me a sense of belonging. I felt at home with them. I felt accepted by them. We ate together. We laughed together. We disagreed but we honored one another’s opinion. We played darts. We brewed homemade craft beer. We sang, danced and created new things, which created new memories. We had fun.
When I was upset, they listened. When I was excited about my new real estate career, they encouraged me. When my heart was broken, they stood by me. When I said that I was writing a new book, well they said, “what can I do to help support you?”
And guess what? When they needed me I was there as well-24/7! Sometimes a sense of belonging is not about a physical place but it’s a state of mind. It is a moment in time. I do feel a sense of belonging when I am visiting my hometown. But that’s not what I am referring to here. It’s the sense of belonging that you have with someone that loves you and you love them back 100% and then some!
When I think of my relationship with my sons, and all five of my kids, it is very similar to my relationship with the Divine. When I am at my best, I am at peace with the Divine. I meditate and am still. I feel a sense of belonging with my Oneness. I feel unconditionally loved. There are particular songs that I hear that instantaneously sync my with heart with the Divine.
A sense of belonging for me is a state of unconditional love. That state of mind is when I feel complete and when I feel joy.
I may feel sad at times due to my longing to spend time with sons and their families again. I know I feel sad that they don’t live down the street anymore. But I feel grateful when I hear a song that triggers me back to reminisce of the times spent with them. I am grateful for the tears that fall from my eyes. The tears represent the love we continue to share. The tears represent my sense of belonging to them. The memories are of the past but represent the future times when we will be together again, joining hearts and celebrating life. I am so grateful because my heart bursts with a sense of belonging to the loves of my life, my children, just as my soul knows that my relationship with the Divine is eternal love.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
— Brené Brown (Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead)
Forget Me Not
If I die before I wake
or is that before you wake?
I am so unsure of things
of late…
No worries – fear not!
I am sorry I made you sad,
and you continue to cry each new day.
It is I who has failed you
and the entire world at large.
I did not measure up!
I could not see through my fears.
Forgive me yes or forgive me not
I could not stop my tears-
but I am now dead and
cannot feel my pain any longer
nor do I scream out when no one hears.
and surely, I can’t feel your sorrow-
or pray out to my God, my dreams, my pleas
or surrender to Thee,
all my cries went unanswered,
but you need to know, I did not give up easily,
I had hope until the very end-
what was today and is now tomorrow. Or was it yesterday?
No matter. Today I gave up.
Never regret the moments lived.
The moments unlived-it is what is.
Please never question my devotion to you.
I love you this is true.
I just can’t live another day
knowing I can’t win-
but in Heaven, you will find me
alive without sin.
Looking from afar, never doubt-
I will always love you
until all days come to an end.
Lastly, I just want to say,
I know this was extremely selfish of me…
…and I so can’t wait to see you again-
I weep as I write my last words to you.
I miss you too…
…I will love you until the very end.
Kimberly Molyneaux
For My Brother Charles (Chuckie) Molyneaux
1/25/2017 (RIP 03/07/2016)
I am Not Alone
When I was thinking over the topic for today’s blog, I kept trying to go back to a time period of when things were tough for me. I wanted to write something like, “back when things were really tough for me, like about five years ago…”, however, the time frame wasn’t working for me. So I kept thinking to myself of when the “tough times were”, and it’s then that I realized that the “tough times” have been more than a few days, a few weeks or a few years and more like a few rough decades!
Which brings me to the topic on my mind today. My brother would call and check up on me to ask how things were going for me. I would always tell him that things were going “okay”. But he was smarter than that. He knew that I was single and struggling. I had one challenge after another. Between failed jobs, relationships, homelessness, health issues and a ton of other “challenges” that came up, I was always struggling. It’s been one thing after another, just to survive for the last two decades.
My brother would always say to me, ” Yes, you are alone, but you are not alone”. Depending on my mood at the time, I would do one of several things. I would agree or I would roll my eyes. Or sometimes I would say with true conviction, that things would get better soon. I didn’t want him worrying about me or my situation.
I loved my brother. He was a good man. He had a huge heart. He called to encourage me. He called to support me. He sent me money. He sent me presents. He did countless act of kindness. He truly loved me with all of his heart and soul.
I knew why he was calling and texting me. He wanted to reassure me, to let me know that in my darkest hours, that I was not alone. He wanted me to know that yes, I was “alone” as in I was single and I was trying to make it on my own in this big world.He wanted me to know that my kids, although they live out of the house now, that they loved me. He wanted me to know that although most of my family and support system lived out-of-town, that they loved me, too. But what he was telling me without being specific in words, is that I was not “alone” because God is always with me.
I have been a student of The Course of Miracles and also a student of metaphysics for the last two decades. I have attended some type of church since I was a preschooler. I have been reading The Bible since I was seven years old. I believe there is a God, a Higher Power or a Divine Intelligence greater than myself. So, for my brother to constantly feel the need to let me know that I was not “alone”, caused me to feel a sort of emotional discomfort. But I shrugged off my discomfort because I knew that his concern was genuine. I knew he wanted to help me fight off my struggles but just couldn’t do it at the moment, but that he was praying for me.
Over the last few weeks, I kept hearing those same words in my mind. I really dug deep and prayed as to the reason why I am hearing those words throughout my day. What I finally felt Spirit was wanting me to know is that even though my brother has made his transition and is no longer calling or texting me, is that I am not alone.
I sense that my brother knows that I miss him so much. I figure he knows that I do feel alone right now. I miss those calls from him. I miss those texts from him. I miss his encouragement. When I published my first book, I so wanted to share my good news with him. He was always pushing me to live my dreams. He wanted me to pursue joy, happiness and love. He didn’t want me to be alone. He wanted me to be loved and would have done anything in his power for that to happen for me.
What I realized today…because I couldn’t get those words out of my mind again…”Yes, you are alone, but you aren’t alone”…is that he is still “here” with me in Spirit. I know my brother is just a prayer away. He is just a thought away. And that he is stilling loving me and wanting the best for me. I know that I am not alone because I am one with the Father, the Divine.
Like my brother, I know my God is just a prayer away, a thought away. In fact, I know my God lives within me, as Jesus taught. The Spirit of God dwells within me. And even when my ego runs wild with negative thoughts of feeling separate from God, my Spirit knows this is untrue. I am one with the Father, and the Father is one with me. We are never alone. My brother taught me well. I may be alone, but I am never alone.
“The Father and I are one.” John 10:30
A Warrior’s Journey
A year ago, my cellular phone rang.
I know where I was standing when
he shared his devastating news.
The results were in; analyzed
more than twice by the pros.
No time to stall or rush,
time just froze.
I could hear the disbelief,
when he hoarsely spoke,
“A rare cancer, “ACC”, was the diagnosis”.
In a room full of strangers, was I,
when my throat closed and knees buckled,
shaking hands covered my face,
releasing the tears to cup, then fall.
collapsing into the arms of an angel,
a kind compassionate stranger held me,
until time resumed again.
A possible fearful life event that we all shun,
but hear I did, my beloved son was sick.
Compassion and grief saturated my heart,
traveling a thousand miles plus, through telephone wires,
to envelop and take hold of this young man,
whom I love more than words or deeds
will ever express; my love for him runs lake deep.
To trade places impossible, but if I could,
as I think, all Mothers would.
Please Lord, spare him more disappointment and pain
and a miraculous healing instead, I prayed.
This is his journey after all,
a future “neck breather”,
I prayed not, but regardless,
I will be by his side,
to comfort and stand tall
should he need to see or feel the devotion
from his Mother’s love-filled eyes.
Suited up in bravery, he fought,
witty humor still intact,
armored in positivity,
struggling through a year of uncertainty,
he blogged and shared his stepping stones.
Broken hearts now restored,
blood tests and scans reveal,
this Mother’s prayers have been answered,
today, my son, an “ACC Warrior”,
courageously kicked the “Big C’s” Ass!
Kimberly Molyneaux
For My Son, Jeremy Frederick, An ACC Warrior
10/26/2018
A Thought Away
Dear Son,
I hope you are pleased to hear from me.
God has many helpers to assist with tasks such as this.
I am writing to let you know,
I heard your thoughts of me today,
and to let you know that I am doing well!
What a reunion, your Mom and I have had!
Loved ones too, welcomed me to the Magnificent Heavens.
Young pups again, Sandy and Scout give a bark out to you!
I know you miss me; I hear your prayers.
I am riding along beside you, holding your hand
when you drive by St. Anne’s,
reminiscing of when I served at mass.
I know you miss my smile; the times we dined,
my Veteran stories and most of all, my friendship.
You are a strong and kind man and a loving dad.
I see from here, the long hours you still continue to work,
as well as the quality time you spend with family.
I am so proud of you!
In case I didn’t let you know enough
I love you, Son!
Never forget, there is not a day that goes by that
I am not thinking of you!
I am just a thought away…
Love, Dad
For Jay
Kimberly Molyneaux
11/08/2017
