Heaven’s Promise

My illusions tell me

the world in which I lived,

completely fell apart.

 

Feeling so much fear-

my identity as I knew it-Gone!

 

I wondered how many levels of hell

I had to experience.

 

Finally, I now  listen to what my Soul tells me, that

Nothing unreal exists!!

 

Nothing is worth the stress or worth dying for!

 

Only love lives on,

like a field of  waving lilies

blooming, stretching

across the backdrop of heaven’s promise.

 

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/06/2018

In Your Last Words

This is a difficult day for me.

Three years ago I learned

You took your life in that bank parking lot.

 

…“Filled with tears of physical sadness,

yet eternal hope”

were the first words in your suicide letter.

 

The suffering you were feeling

is thoughtfully explained as is

your stated concern for us.

You question, “how will we go on without you”?

 

You justify that “death’s door is inevitable

from stress and the sheer thoughts

of failure and hopelessness”

in part from trying to” save” all of us.

 

As for me, I feel like I failed you.

I’ve stumbled through my days wondering

the “whys” and the “how could I have known” and

“the how did I miss the “signs”?

How could I have helped your fears?

Maybe I could have offered

a shoulder to cry on,

some words of cheer?

 

You wrote in your letter, you guessed that

when we would first heard the news,

“we would be shocked…

and devastated”…

You were correct as always.

 

I’ve searched my memory and

I now recall in so many words or less,

in your actions…your lack of actions,

you were indeed showing the tell-tale signs-

you had already quit this so called “game of life”.

 

“It was just a matter of time…

You played the hand you were dealt”, you scribed.

The obscurity to think…you could save us

from further strife

by sacrificing your precious life.

 

You typed that “you hated making

the ultimate decision”.

But you did.

 

You ask for our forgiveness.

Some days, I have, and other moments

Well, I am still reckoning with the loss.

 

What your actions taught me is

“love does not win”.

“hope does not overcome”.

You discuss “society’s greed

and your ultimate defeat”.

 

You let them win. But…

 

I believe you are now free

and were welcomed by dear ones

and mourn no more

of things of this ridiculous

illusion, our world.

 

With each passing of a new moon,

the emptiness of losing you doesn’t ease.

I long to hear your voice,

to see those blue twinkling eyes,

and oh, your smile and grin

and shenanigans you are creating

with that brilliant mind of yours.

 

But you are gone

and I must move on and

take ownership of my life.

 

With a heart so full of

forgiveness and of love today.

with belief, faith and

of God’s promise.

our souls will reunite.

Someday.

 

In your last words…

 

For My Brother Charles (Chuckie)

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/08/2019

Believing In Us

Don’t you know I stay

because I love you?

I have been holding on tight

trying not to crumble,

waiting for you to look into my eyes,

see that I am still praying for our dreams

that we once believed in.

What I would do to repair it

and spare one more tear!

Don’t you know I still love us?

We may be broken but I still have hope, that

my love for you is enough

to heal us back together.

Look into my eyes.

Tell me you see my life of devotion to you, to us,

Tell me you see that I still believe in our dreams.

The question is, “do you”?

 

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/11/2019

 

The above poem came out of “nowhere”. It just came.  I didn’t write it, it wrote to me. I just put I  down the words. I do know what it feels like to love someone and no longer be loved. It really hurts!  God knows I have stopped loving someone in my past just as someone stopped loving me. Lessons learned. If I am lucky to find love again or if love finds me, as well as passion and devotion, I will be sure to hold on to it!

 

Baby Cooper Sunshine

Just as your Mommy is to me

you are a burst of sunshine to my heart.

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree

when God gave us you.

You graced us with your birth

that Indian Summer day and

our lives have not been the same.

Your giggles and wiggles bring us

so much joy watching you grow.

Oh, so fast! Please slow down!

I want to hug you as long as possible

because every time I look into

your big baby blue eyes,

you tug at my heartstrings,

filling my soul with love,

bringing me a ray of sunshine

just as your Mommy did

before you came to be!

 

For Cooper Frederick

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/27/2019

Spring Holiday

With fondness, folks love to say, “sweet smell of tides”

when reminiscing of their time spent on the Jersey boardwalk.

They tell of how the waves billowed

then carried in the cool sand and water beneath their feet.

I too, recall our steaming hot Spring Holiday,

the waves, the salty breezes…

the seagulls, the sand dunes.

And, oh so much laughter,

when we lazily spent the day sipping spirits,

searching for the perfect seashells,

and holding on, oh, so tight into another night.

We recall the magnificent endless sunset,

holding hands and walking barefoot.

 

On that Spring holiday,

secrets and sacred kisses were shared,

and smiles as big as the waves,

rising up from the ocean floor, and

meeting the backdrops of the endless blue skies

keeps us longing for that special time again.

 

Yeah, folks like us, love to recall the “sweet smell of tides”.

 

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/09/2019

The Commute

The bus ride takes two hours.

It’s a long time. By car, it would

be a 20-minute commute at most.

But she does it with anticipation

to reach her destiny.

Up and down the beautiful landscape,

snowcaps can be seen high on the hilltops.

Departing the city bus walks up those hills.

Her feet ache, but no matter.

Every minute is worth every ouch

because she knows that when her Mom opens the door

they will smile and share hugs.

And she will be looking into

the most beautiful blue eyes

she has ever seen.

The commute was worth every minute

to share time with her beloved.

 

For My Mom

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/10/2019

 

Freshwater Cleansing

Freshwater fell

from gray clouds

rushing my mind

pushing my senses

back to a summer day

of long ago.

Oh, how sweet

the fragrance is today.

Storms of white hail

are replaced by still awe.

Age has rekindled

an appreciation

of simpler times,

Welcoming a spiritual cleansing

relishing in a drenching rain.

 

Kimberly Molyneaux

Today would have been my Dad’s (Robert E. Williams, Sr.) birthday. I would like to think of him spending his birthday fishing on a beautiful Spring day! A little rain never bummed a true fisherman like he was! LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD! I sure miss you! I love you!

This poem is in my book, Reaching for Brass Rings and it’s available on Amazon or B &N online! Thank you for your support.

Sweet Baby Zane

There goes my heartbeat racing off to see you again!

I’d climb every Colorado Mountain

just to be with you sweet baby boy.

I’d swim in any body of water,

from here to there

searching out a lighthouse

to bring me ashore.

No matter what it took,

every breath I breathed,

every hour, every day

to hear your infectious giggles,

see  your smile light up

 the rooms of my heart.

No distance is too far

to see those big blue eyes,

to hold you again,

to not to have to love you from afar

to kiss your dimples,

cradle you, oh so tight,

because that’s what Grannies do!

 

For Zane William

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/11/2019

Heartbroken Over Stuff

Don’t tell me “It’s Just Stuff”!

Or “It doesn’t matter anymore”!

 

It matters because it’s my stuff!

You can’t see how it broke me to lose

this part of the game.

I must admit to myself, to you.

I am heartbroken.

I am taking ownership.

It’s my life. It’s my loss.

It’s my cross to bear.

I know the heartsick feeling of pain,

knowing there is no going back from a decision.

I know the deep gut feeling of betrayal.

I am heartbroken, but I am not broken.

It’s just stuff after all.  Yeah, right.

 

Kimberly Molyneaux

03/11/2019

It’s been a rough 19 months since I lost everything I owned except for a couple items, a few clothes, and shoes. What few things I have left I want to keep and am struggling to keep. I am still trying to figure out how to get my belongings to me now.

People keep telling me to “forget it” because it’s “just stuff”.

So I wrote this for the critics. For those that have shown me no compassion, shame on you. So I couldn’t keep up with your expectations, so what. I did my very best even though it wasn’t good enough for you all. I almost died from trying to please some folks and because I wanted to keep my belongings.

So here I am on the other side of starting over. AGAIN. I survived. I know that “it’s just stuff” but it was MY STUFF. It’s personal when it’s happening to YOU! I pray it never does.

xxoo

Grief

I know what Grief feels like.
It swallows up One’s soul,
zig-zags across the heart chambers
crushing and biting along Its path,
spitting every last bit of shattered dream that was choked,
throttled in the breath of air, in the fears, in the tears,
finally, to spring out on the other side of the soul,
that was full of debris and smoke.

Yes, Grief is a life-force,
all of Its own,
gripping us in a fall
that at the time seems so great, so forceful,
that we can’t rise up, to take hold,
to breathe again,
But we do.

Forever changing us, once It is on the other side
We know the fading dream can now never be.
Cry, weep those million and one tears.
We have all earned that right.
The light will shine again, My Friend.

The promise of a new day will bring closure.
So hold tight for tomorrow or
perhaps, another tomorrow,
to your suffering heart of
the passing dreams of yesterday.

New beginnings.
Joy, again will fill your soul
and your heart chambers so full.
No longer will despair grip nor tear,
for, at last, Grief will be put away.
Its purpose revealed.
It has cleansed you…
the healing of your wounds has begun,
soon, you will feel whole again.

Kimberly Molyneaux
3/1/2019