I washed the dishes…
two bowls, two cups, two spoons…
carefully placing them on the drying mat.
James Taylor, Joni Mitchell, Carol King….
…. played from the radio
while you wiggled your body across the kitchen floor.
I took those moments for granted…
I always thought you would remain small.
Yesterday’s life was difficult,
now those days are forever gone.
Where the time went, I will never know,
I thought as you and I grew older
life’s battles would ease up…a bit
…and they have…yet sometimes,
it just seems like, challenges change their names
but remain…and the stress is the same.
I was focused on us surviving,
one day into the next
to feed us, clothe us, to keep the lights on.
My love for you filled up not just a room
but from the earth to the moon.
Every struggle was worth it,
just to hold you in my arms.
I am quite sure you were hand- picked by God to be my son.
One of my biggest joys
was giving you a brand-new toy
and filling your life with pleasure,
like other little boys.
Now when we are together, sharing belly laughs
sharing hugs, solving life’s mysteries,
and sharing our love, near and far…
I am reminded, as I knew then,
we never really lacked anything, we
had everything we needed.
I never gave up…yeah, I was young
when you were brought into my life…but
I am assured, as I was then,
that when I held you in my arms,
…mesmerized by your blue eyes,
it was all meant to be.
So, “Let It Be” …. like when The Beatles’ song played
from my little FM radio…
while the dishes were drying,
and I tugged my little angel into bed.
For My Son, Joshua Smithmeyer
May 5, 2017